Do You Remember, All We Had?
by The White Willow
Summary: Nicky's thoughts as she sat in that Diner with Bourne during Ultimatum. MovieVerse, implied Nicky/Jason. Rated T for slight language, and just to be safe.


A/N: I've decided to try my hand at fanfic writing again, and I've honestly never written fanfics anything movie/tv related that wasn't anime, so this is really new to me. I'm not sure if I overall like my characterization of Nicky, but hey, practice makes perfect.

This is pretty much Nicky's thoughts in the diner during Ultimatum. I actually totally missed this scene the first time I watched the movie (no idea what I was doing) and going back to watch it I noticed how much tension there was, and I felt like Nicky had a lot of unexpressed thoughts. So here's my take on that.

Just a short drabble, but I hope you enjoy!

* * *

><p>"<em>Why are you helping me<em>?"

The words come out more as a statement than a question, but Nicky knows Bourne still wants an answer. It was a legitimate inquiry, why was Nicky helping Bourne? Hadn't he held a gun to her head, just weeks ago?

Why had she said "everest" and not "ruby"?

Such a question should elicit some sort of physical reaction from one or presumably both of the parties involved, but Bourne and Nicky held onto their poker faces—Bourne managed to do so easily, but Nicky's knees were shaking under the table, and she willed the tears to stay back.

She glanced down at the table, and put down the small teacup, stroking it with her thumb, to calm herself down, but mainly to keep Bourne from seeing that her hands were nearly shaking, too. Nicky licked her lips, trying to come up with words.

_I'm helping you because at a point in time, we were in love. _

That was her real response, the response that she would have given had Bourne not been looking at her with those critical no-nonsense eyes.

"It was difficult for me…with you." She looked back up into those eyes, filled with darkness. If truth be told, she had hoped he would remember. Remember something about what they once had.

What they once were.

But nothing. No recognition in those eyes. No reaction. He simply stared at her, as if he wanted her to say more.

Her heart sank, and for a moment Nicky thought that maybe, just maybe, Bourne hadn't loved her the way she loved him. After all, wouldn't he remember something as critical as what they'd had in Paris? Amnesia aside, he was having glimpses of events far in the past, surely those months in Paris would be easier to recall.

"You really don't remember anything?" Nicky stated, somehow keeping her voice even. She looked into his onyx eyes, trying to find some depth in them. Something besides the cold-blooded man who was Jason Bourne. She tried to find even a glimpse of the Jason she'd known before the Wombosi mission, and maybe even find a hint of David Webb, the man he once was.

But nothing.

Jason shook his head. "No."

Her gut wrenched. The way he said it, with no remorse, it was as if he didn't even _want _to remember. Did he not see? Surely she wasn't that good at disguising her emotions, and someone as trained as Bourne had to be able to tell that _she was holding back. _

Had she not known better, Nicky would have slammed her fists down on the table, and screamed at him. _"Remember!_" she would have exclaimed. _"Remember _us_! Remember all the damn headaches I coaxed you through and all the silent lunches and meetings where you'd do nothing but glare at me with those accusing eyes. Remember how we kissed and how we made love and how it felt to wake up next to someone who actually knew who you were. Remember damn it!"_

But the fact is, Nicky _did_ know better than that. She knew that at that point, the Jason Bourne she fell in love with was gone, he had died with two bullets shot into his back before drowning in the Mediterranean.

If he hadn't remembered all they had by now, then he never would.

* * *

><p>Thoughts? I think there's definite room for improvement, but watching the scene over again, these are the immediate thoughts I had. Reviews are appreciated, and constructive criticism is welcomed.<p>

Thanks for reading!


End file.
